October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
I thought I would share some information about the subject. Obviously, there are many different forms of abuse. Emotional abuse is when someone hurts your feelings for the sole reason of hurting your feelings or to control you in some way. Physical abuse is when your partner hits, slaps, kicks, shoves, chokes, throws things at you, or destroys your property, or steals your property, or causes you to receive physical damage or harm in some way. Sexual abuse is when you are coerced into sexual acts by your abuser. Financial abuse is when you are harmed financially by your partner. There is some overlap in these different forms of intimate partner abuse. Abusers can push people until they break, and leave lasting psychological scars on their targets and victims.
Click here for 4x one-hour therapy session time slots each month in available areas! That being said, there are some more subtle red flags to watch out for before being with an abuser gets out of hand. It does not always begin with physical violence. A relationship with an abuser will progressively get worse and worse over time. The early warning signs are subtle. Here is a list of red flag behaviors we should *all* be aware of that abusers engage in:
1. The abuser does not want you to be financially independent.
Abusers are not likely to support their targets' or victims' being financially independent. If you are trying to get a job, or get a better job, and your partner is sabotaging your job hunting prospects, this is definitely a red flag. If your partner tries to get you fired, this is a form of financial abuse in and of itself, and limits your financial independence, making you more easy to abuse and control in other ways. The abuser will take possession of any money you make and completely control it all.
An abuser may engage in these behaviors to keep you financially dependent on them:
Has you put all your money in their bank account and does not give you access to it
Goes on spending sprees that prevent you from saving money, or racks up bills in your name
Puts the bills in their name exclusively so that you can't build credit
Puts the bills in your name exclusively so that you take the blame if they rack up debt
Racks up debt in your name
Forges your signature on loans
Buys big-ticket items without consulting you
Invests couple money in themselves, but not ever investing in you
2. The abuser does not want you to be educated.
Abusers thrive on being superior to their targets and victims. If your partner does not want you to better yourself by going to college or trade school or trainings that will broaden your educational and occupational horizons, this is another red flag of an abuser. Abusers are masters of controlling others. If you are educated, you have power that they can not take from you. No one can ever take your education from you.
Here is a list of ways an abuser might interfere with or try to control your education:
Disables or take your transportation that you need for school
Disables your internet access that you need for school
Delete/misplace/destroy your assignments or school supplies
Schedules conflicting activities with your school schedule
Leaves the children with you when you have school scheduled, despite plans being in place for child care that allow you both to work and/or attend school
Call you constantly while you are in class or at academic functions
Spread rumors about you at school
Spends your financial aid on other things without consulting you
Sells your school supplies without your consent
3. The abuser does not want you to be active in your community.
Abusers do not want their targets or victims to be engaged in their community, because that risks exposing their abusive behavior. Abusers will not want the people at church or the local music festival or the local schools to see the bruises. Abusers want to control everything, especially the flow of information to and from the abusive relationship to the greater community. This helps to keep them in control of their targets or victims. Abusers might do the following to isolate you from the community.
Here are some ways an abuser might try to control your presence in your community:
Spreads rumors about you in the community
Belittles you either in public or in private
Puts down projects that you have going on in the community
Interferes with your social connections with customers or business associates
Tells you who you can or can not contact
Is frequently anti-social with you in public, damaging your community connections
Intercepts contact from community connections and does not inform you that they called or messaged you
Prevents you from having transportation that is available to the abuser
4. The abuser does not want you to be in contact with positive family members or friends.
Not every friend or family member is a positive influence. Some have problems of their own that can drag down a husband or a wife, and cause difficulties and interference in a couple.
However, if you have friends and family who simply want to spend time with you or be a part of your life, and your partner does not want them in your life at all, this is another red flag warning sign that your partner is an abuser. Abusers may try to keep you from communicating with your family and friends in all kinds of ways, including, but not limited to the following:
Take or break your phone
Cancel your phone or internet service
Change the locks on the house
Change your phone number
Block your family members without telling you on your device or account
Hack into your email or social media and alienate others behind your back
Try to move you and/or your family far away from your friends and family
Lies about you to alienate you from your family
Intercepts calls/contact from your friends and family and does not tell you they called or messaged you
Prevents you from having transportation that is available to the abuser
Look into local resources to be more independent if you are with someone who is showing these red flags. Try to be very careful when entering romantic relationships, and talk to your partner about these red flags if you see them. If these red flags are ignored, it can lead to some disastrous outcomes. If you have a friend or family member in an abusive situation, try to educate them on all the help that is out there for them.
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